As a therapist, it is interesting how the universe puts into your path the clients who struggle with many of the same things that show up in your life. It is an amazing phenomena that really makes me think twice before sharing my own experiences with clients as that is not the purpose of their therapy. Instead, it makes me reflect on my words and thoughts to help them but don’t always remember that they also apply to me.

I think it is amazing how sometimes the thing that we desire or want in life shows up in different ways. In many of my spiritual readings and research, often the virtue that we seek presents itself in a different form or opportunity. For example, to seek patience, one must experience an opportunity to practice patience. Often times, at least for me, this shows up in ways that I don’t necessarily see as “opportunities”. Rather they are burdens or inconveniences. Yet, they are still opportunities.

If we change our perspective, we can often see these opportunities that lie before us. This is a challenge but I really strive to push myself to squint past the inconvenience/disappointment/unrest/etc. and glimpse at the lesson/satisfaction/success/etc. that is on the horizon.

I didn’t get on a plane for the first time with my family like most do. Instead, my first time on an airplane was with a friend to visit a family that had moved to Florida from our small Illinois farmtown. I have been obsessed with traveling ever since. I will jump at any opportunity to explore somewhere new or just be in a different place than home.

I was with my dad and brother when they saw the ocean for the first time in Punta Cana. At that point in my life, I had lived ACROSS an ocean for half a year. When I wonder why I don’t belong in my family, I look at my experiences. It is hard to view the world the same after the many experiences I have had. I am in awe of what the world has to offer and am so incredibly grateful that I have been able to go, do and see so many places and cultures. I don’t make the most money but somehow I make travel a priority.

And I think I am a better person because of it. When I get frustrated at small thinkers or those stuck in their ways, I need to remind myself that others do not have that desire or opportunity so their view of the world is limited and that is okay. I have a hard time though when those people think their way is the right and only way. This world needs more empathy and less closed mindedness.

I’ve read in both professional and spiritual growth books that people who create change and/or are good at what they do face adversity along the way. And others will want to tear them down to make themselves feel big and/or to make them feel small. It’s what deters some people from achieving great things. The same can be said for bullies in school. They crave something the other has or they feel better by tearing others down to their level.

I am experiencing this from a parent at the school that I work at. Unfortunately, their student trusted me to share their experience at home and ask for help and support. The parent, whose actions have not been respectful to me in the past due to me not backing down to what they demanded, has created a formal, investigative complaint to the school district about my ability to due my job. However, because I did my job, it has come to light that the parent may not be taking responsibility for their parenting and their child’s choices.

This has been a challenge not because I fear for my job or that I question that I did the right thing because I know I did the best I could to support the student and their needs as best I could. But because it connects my name to a slanderous allegation. And there seem to be some personal aspects that were included that creep me out about what lengths this parent will go to in order to deflect their own personal shame onto me. Bullies suck. I have to continue to affirm to myself that I did my job and I will not let this person deter me from making a difference in students’ lives every day.

After being back with my family in the small town that I grew up in, I struggle to feel to know where I belong in this world. I feel like an outsider with my family who have never lived outside of my little town of 900 people. I was encouraged, and I might say forced, to leave my small town after high school by my parents. I lived in London after graduating college and worked there for 6 months before moving back and going to the big city of Chicago, which is only 2 hours away. Now that I live in Denver, I feel even more disconnected to this small town way of life.

Yet I feel this pull to return. My brother keeps telling me to “life my life” but it still feels like it is a negative thing for some reason. My father is in poor health but he is neither choosing to help himself get or feel better nor does he have the ability to change the nerve damage that is done. He sits in a chair or his bed for his entire day and does not want to try to do anything that is difficult that may help or enhance his life. I want to be around him and my mother and even my brother who doesn’t seem interested in having a relationship with his sister or anyone really (that is for another day). I love the simplicity of small town living but I have no friends there anymore. I don’t know what I would talk about with most anyone. The places I’ve been and the things I’ve done are incomprehensible to most everyone who lives there.

Or maybe it is just that I don’t feel like Denver is my forever home either. I don’t know. I’m not sure how to exist in the world without heritage and roots. I love being part of a large extended family with lots of cousins. But most everyone lives in the same small town or nearby except my dad’s sister whom most people in town don’t even remember that he has. Will that be me? Yes, my face is up on the walls at school for various athletic endeavors and I used to hold a high jump record, but my brother has a shrine built for him there (by my father) for what he was able to accomplish in basketball. Why do I care? I’m not sure. But it is real and it is raw every time I go home.

It took me a long time to finally figure out my career path and what made me feel most accomplished, confident and satisfying. My undergrad degrees are in Magazine Journalism and Graphic Design. My master’s degree is in Education with a focus in school counseling. I have worked in hospitality, design, publishing, sales, and law prior to my counseling career. My passion was my volunteer work. I was on a junior board for homeless youth in Chicago and volunteered often with children and young adults. I didn’t have much money but I was able to give my time to others.

In the process, I realized that I felt most fulfilled when working with other pursue their happiness. I didn’t have a great school counselor growing up and I had never gone to therapy before pursuing this career so my exposure was limited. Through experiences in my work, volunteer and honestly, my social circle, I realized that I was a really good listener. I don’t know if I would have been a great counselor straight out of undergrad. I’m thankful for the highs and lows because I now appreciate and value my career and having confidence in my ability to do it well. I wish that feeling of fulfillment on to everyone but so often money or comfort gets people stuck in their status quo. Taking a leap is scary. But rarely does it leave me with regret.

Some days I am really amazed at how much I can accomplish in my waking hours. Working in a school means that it doesn’t matter what you planned; it can all change when a student walks in with a question or in crisis. This is one of the busiest times of year as kids are melting down and exhausted. As counselors, we try to stay on top of our struggling students but it can be challenging given the sheer volume we each have on our caseloads.

But it makes sense. The sun is barely out anymore. The end of daylight savings throws everyone off. And teachers are tired too. Parents start to show up all of a sudden showing an interest in their child’s performance and expecting them to use the break to get caught up. Yes, there is physically time given to students to make up work but it is also called a break for a reason. Students and staff alike to need to regroup and recharge for the final push until the end of the semester. It’s amazing how quickly it goes by.

Outside of school, I see clients twice a week and on Saturday mornings. Most people tell me I’m crazy but I have always had 2+ streams of income. I was taught early in life to have a back-up plan. Having my LPC is my back up plan. And seeing clients is my extra/vaca/goal money. It’s hard to live on an educator salary sometimes so this gives me a little boost without having to tend bar anymore and be up until the wee hours of the morning. I’m still working 2 jobs but I’m much more rested and sane this way. And my body doesn’t ache. I miss the cash but the consistent extra paycheck quickly helps me get over it.

As a therapist, self care is something I discuss often with my clients and students. But the actual practice of it can be challenging. When can I fit it into my schedule? How much will it cost? Does it even work? It takes some concerted effort to make self care a reality consistently.

I read in a book (the title escapes me) that walking in nature and taking a bath are two of the most effective strategies to reduce stress. I always loved taking baths as a kid. I would be in there for hours. Now, I try to soak at least 2 times per week. At times I wonder if a hot tub would be more efficient, but that will have to wait until a different phase of life when I have a sturdier deck or yard to withstand the weight of the water.

The relaxing nature of being submerged in warm water seems to melt the stress of the day away. Add in some epsom salts or essential oils and your body and mind are able to take a short holiday from the to-do lists. Include a bath pillow to rest against with some relaxing music and maybe some wine, and you have, in my mind, the perfect way to end a day.

Today the counselors went into the classroom to have the 10th grade students take a personality inventory and start reflecting on potential careers that may be a good fit in the future for their personality type. It’s astounding how these adolescents believe they know more than a highly used, viable assessment created for this purpose. It’s difficult to remember back to my high school days but I’m sure I felt the same way. There are parts of me that want to shake their naive little shoulders to make them pay attention to avoid the pitfalls and struggles that could be avoided.

However, it is in those struggles that our true character comes to light. There is always the option to give up or switch paths. Or there are those experiences that bring about other lessons and people into our world that we would have otherwise missed had we skipped that part of our lives. As adults, we don’t always take the time to reflect on how we have become who we have. If only we spent more time appreciating our past to propel us forward with confidence to the next chapter in our story.