At the age of 39, I wasn’t in a relationship and I still had a burning desire to be a mother. So, I started the process of becoming a single mother by choice. Over the course of the next 2 years, I underwent 2 failed IUIs and 1 round of IVF, which resulted in 1 healthy embryo. I used 2 different anonymous donors thinking that might make a difference. I was devastated when my 1 embryo did not survive the implantation. I had to take a second mortgage out on my house to cover the costs because my insurance did not pay for any medication and only 50% of the rest.

I felt lost and had a very difficult time grieving all my losses and the idea that I would not be a mother to my own children. You see, I was an egg donor 6 times in my 20s. I never thought it was possible that I wouldn’t have the opportunity to or be able to have babies of my own. I will admit that I am not the best at grief. I usually book too many trips and buy too many clothes when I’m sad, which doesn’t help the already overwhelming debt I was in.

As of January 1, 2023, Colorado passed a law (Colorado Building Families Act) that insurance companies with more than 100 employees have to cover at least 3 IVF retrievals and an unlimited number of transfers. I felt this glimmer of hope that maybe I had one more shot. I am now 42 and back in the process. I decided to switch fertility clinics and try a new donor and have a completely fresh start with hopefully a completely different outcome. I had so many friends, coworkers and my family supporting me through the last round. They were amazing. But this time, I am doing it for myself, by myself. My therapist and one other friend are the only people who know what I am embarking on. I guess now anyone reading this will know as well. It’s scary but also empowering because I am doing something that I am truly passionate and committed to. I don’t know if it will work this time either but I cannot say that I didn’t give this dream everything I had. And if it isn’t meant to be, I will have to work through accepting that and shifting my dreams, as we all have to do from time to time.