According to my calculations, today would have been my due date if my IVF had been successful last spring. It’s a weird feeling. I have feelings of sadness but also feelings of hope that this round will be different. I am trying to look at the bigger picture that maybe I needed another year to get some things together before being a mother. For example, this past year I have completed the training to have my pup be a certified therapy dog. I have completed the requirements to be a licensed professional counselor. And my private practice is in full swing with substantial and consistent extra income.

Maybe I needed another year to accept and acknowledge that I love living in Colorado and I want to stay here. And my dad’s health condition isn’t getting detrimentally worse so my feelings of obligation to move home and spend time with him in his last days don’t feel as eminent at the moment. I feel settled and I am trying to lean into this life that I have built for myself. Maybe now will be the timing that is best to bring a life into the world. It’s always hard for me to trust the journey that I am on, but I do know that there is a higher purpose to it all. I know that I look back at some point and it will all make sense.