Movies

I’ve never been a movie buff. I like movies but I haven’t gone out of my way to go see a new movie or watch movies at home. With this new movie pass, I have probably seen more movies this month than most of this year.

As I was walking out of the theatre after seeing Wonka, I had a realization that my dad has always LOVED movies. We didn’t have a lot of money when I was growing up but we did always have cable and HBO. Even after many arguments from my mom about the cost. My dad would always have a movie on. And at Christmas time, he and I would watch The Santa Clause, the OG with Dudley Moore from the 80s religiously. I always felt that it was “our thing”.

Then my brother came along and we added more Christmas movies like the Tim Allen Santa Clause and we went to see Elf in the movie theater on Christmas evening. I tried to start a tradition of buying Christmas movies to add to dad’s collection. Little did I know that most would be on demand in a few years time.

My dad doesn’t seem to watch movies like he used to, at least not when I have been home. It makes me sad to see that part of him that has faded away. And so maybe going to the movies now is way to feel connected with him even though he isn’t the same. Maybe it is just a way to connect to the memory of who he was. I love my dad and his ailments have robbed him of so many things. In some way, living away from him allows me to pretend that my actions are something we could have connected about in earlier years. Or maybe it can be a way to connect with him now and hope he takes me experiences and looks forward to a movie released on HBO. It’s probably wishful thinking but I’m feel that it can’t hurt to try.

Sleep

I have a love/hate relationship with sleep. I am a big fan of a 15 minute cat naps that reenergize me. But I used to be able to function on 6 hours of sleep. As I have gotten older, I am a solid 8-9 hour sleeper and I don’t always even feel that refreshed. I feel like I’m wasting time. I could be doing so much more with that extra 2-3 hours. Even if it is just scrolling through Instagram reels. My mantra in my 20s was that I could sleep when I’m dead. Now, I feel dead when I don’t get good sleep.

I’ve watched my dad decline into being in bed for most of his 24 hours. He was always a sleeper. In bed by 10:30 pm after the news and up by 6:30 am to be out the door at 7:17 am for work. Now he doesn’t leave his room until 9:30/10 am and goes to lie in bed and watch TV at 7 pm. It makes me so sad.

Maybe I equate sleep and/or being horizontal in bed with death and that scares the shit out of me. But that topic is for another day…