Merry Christmas!

This is the first Christmas that I have not spent with my family since I lived in London, which makes it the second Christmas I have ever not spent it with my parents in my 42 years on earth. I know they were sad about me not being with them, but I feel pretty good after all is said and done. Not one tear has been shed in the past two days, which is better than I expected.

All we do for Christmas is eat a big meal together. We don’t do gifts and there are no kiddos running around so it is pretty boring. Yesterday, I went to church and then hosted a few friends over for a drink or two. Then I watched Christmas movies all night by the fire with my pup snuggling close.

This morning, I slept in and then started cooking. I made peanut blossom cookies and then started on my grandma’s cinnamon roll recipe, which took 3 hours to rise. I made an omelet for breakfast and around 1, decided to make lunch which was a New York strip with cheesy potatoes and the lettuce salad my mom always makes. All while listening to Christmas music.

It was a bit chilly out today so I didn’t take Greta for a walk. But I did a holiday Peloton ride so I don’t feel as round in the middle as I did this afternoon. And I started a 1000 piece puzzle that sucked me in for a few hours. I didn’t go to the movies as I had originally planned because it was so cold and the rolls were taking longer than expected. I feel good about my day. It was full of good food, which is what I would have had at home. And no stress.

I started to think that maybe I should go home for Christmas while my dad is still alive and stop being so selfish. I guess I have 364 days to think about it. I feel like it will also depend on this next IVF cycle. If it is successful, I want to have Christmas at home to create our own traditions. If it is not, then maybe I start traveling to Europe for Christmas since they do it so much better over there. For now, I just need to focus on the present and live life to the fullest one day at a time.

The Holidays

I used to LOVE Christmas as a kid. My mom is one of 7 and dad is one of 5 so even though it was just my brother and I with a nine year age gap, Christmas was always full of family and excitement. My cousins and I would unwrap our gifts first and then run off to play while the adults did whatever they did.

As I have grown older, I have rarely been in a relationship over the holidays. And with no children of my own and no nieces or nephews, the magic has fizzled. Our family doesn’t exchange gifts and the only difference is a large meal in the middle of the day. We even stopped going to mass on Christmas because the incense made the whole family’s eyes water and noses run.

With new traditions and reestablishing the reason for the season, I hope to reset my holiday expectations. It’s going to be a challenge to not compare my current situation to my younger years, to the traditions of my friends or to what I thought my life would look like at 42. But I really want to shift my perspective. I’m healthy. I enjoy my life. And I have so much to be grateful for. That is my view of having a true holiday spirit.

Festive

I like to wait to decorate for Christmas until after Thanksgiving. Since I was traveling tor turkey day and gone for a work conference, I’m a little late in making my house holly jolly. I love decorating. I think it makes the house feel more warm and inviting. I loved decorating for Christmas when I was a kid. I would use my imagination and create stories with all the ornaments and side displays. I’m not sure if my mom enough puts that stuff out anymore.

The luster and excitement of the holidays has dwindled over the years. My brother is 9 years younger than me and the year that he found out about Santa was the beginning of the end. It just wasn’t fun anymore. And I haven’t had the blessing of children in my life, unfortunately, and I have no partner so the holidays are kinda sad. I suppose that is because I make them sad by comparing to others the things that I don’t have instead of being grateful for all that I do.

This year, I am starting a new tradition where I stay in my own home for Christmas. No more traveling. If my IVF had worked last year, I would be due any day and wouldn’t be fit to travel. So I am embracing the holidays in a new way. I have decided to join the Alamo Cinema monthly subscriber club and go to a movie every week. They are playing old Christmas movies on the big screen. I went to an event in Chicago like that with old movies and it was so fun. I am really trying to stay festive this year and remember the true meaning of Christmas and embrace all that I am thankful for.