Tag Archives: holidays

Movies

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I’ve never been a movie buff. I like movies but I haven’t gone out of my way to go see a new movie or watch movies at home. With this new movie pass, I have probably seen more movies this month than most of this year.

As I was walking out of the theatre after seeing Wonka, I had a realization that my dad has always LOVED movies. We didn’t have a lot of money when I was growing up but we did always have cable and HBO. Even after many arguments from my mom about the cost. My dad would always have a movie on. And at Christmas time, he and I would watch The Santa Clause, the OG with Dudley Moore from the 80s religiously. I always felt that it was “our thing”.

Then my brother came along and we added more Christmas movies like the Tim Allen Santa Clause and we went to see Elf in the movie theater on Christmas evening. I tried to start a tradition of buying Christmas movies to add to dad’s collection. Little did I know that most would be on demand in a few years time.

My dad doesn’t seem to watch movies like he used to, at least not when I have been home. It makes me sad to see that part of him that has faded away. And so maybe going to the movies now is way to feel connected with him even though he isn’t the same. Maybe it is just a way to connect to the memory of who he was. I love my dad and his ailments have robbed him of so many things. In some way, living away from him allows me to pretend that my actions are something we could have connected about in earlier years. Or maybe it can be a way to connect with him now and hope he takes me experiences and looks forward to a movie released on HBO. It’s probably wishful thinking but I’m feel that it can’t hurt to try.

The Holidays

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I used to LOVE Christmas as a kid. My mom is one of 7 and dad is one of 5 so even though it was just my brother and I with a nine year age gap, Christmas was always full of family and excitement. My cousins and I would unwrap our gifts first and then run off to play while the adults did whatever they did.

As I have grown older, I have rarely been in a relationship over the holidays. And with no children of my own and no nieces or nephews, the magic has fizzled. Our family doesn’t exchange gifts and the only difference is a large meal in the middle of the day. We even stopped going to mass on Christmas because the incense made the whole family’s eyes water and noses run.

With new traditions and reestablishing the reason for the season, I hope to reset my holiday expectations. It’s going to be a challenge to not compare my current situation to my younger years, to the traditions of my friends or to what I thought my life would look like at 42. But I really want to shift my perspective. I’m healthy. I enjoy my life. And I have so much to be grateful for. That is my view of having a true holiday spirit.

Festive

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I like to wait to decorate for Christmas until after Thanksgiving. Since I was traveling tor turkey day and gone for a work conference, I’m a little late in making my house holly jolly. I love decorating. I think it makes the house feel more warm and inviting. I loved decorating for Christmas when I was a kid. I would use my imagination and create stories with all the ornaments and side displays. I’m not sure if my mom enough puts that stuff out anymore.

The luster and excitement of the holidays has dwindled over the years. My brother is 9 years younger than me and the year that he found out about Santa was the beginning of the end. It just wasn’t fun anymore. And I haven’t had the blessing of children in my life, unfortunately, and I have no partner so the holidays are kinda sad. I suppose that is because I make them sad by comparing to others the things that I don’t have instead of being grateful for all that I do.

This year, I am starting a new tradition where I stay in my own home for Christmas. No more traveling. If my IVF had worked last year, I would be due any day and wouldn’t be fit to travel. So I am embracing the holidays in a new way. I have decided to join the Alamo Cinema monthly subscriber club and go to a movie every week. They are playing old Christmas movies on the big screen. I went to an event in Chicago like that with old movies and it was so fun. I am really trying to stay festive this year and remember the true meaning of Christmas and embrace all that I am thankful for.