Tag Archives: ivf

Geeking Out

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I totally geek out at the start of the new year with a new calendar. The joy of a clean slate and all that will be filled in throughout the year. I love to have a paper planner along with my electronic calendar so I can use it as a diary of sorts. I use stickers and markers and write my to-dos and things to remember inside.

I also geek out on reflecting on the past year financially to see patterns, confidence in where I sit and areas that I need to reign in. I was really good about being diligent about tracking my expenses until the end of March last year when my IVF failed. I lost motivation to do much after that. My funk definitely cost me as my spending went unchecked.

As I start this new year, it is a new opportunity to stay on course, especially as I embark on IVF round 2. However, this time I won’t be going into $30,000 of debt because my insurance covers more of it AND medications. I just have a 20% copay. Fingers crossed that my side hustle of seeing clients can make it so I don’t get so far into debt again. I already have the second mortgage on the house so I can’t access any more money.

Donor #3

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I’m in the process of picking my third sperm donor. I choose one for my 2 IUIs and a different one for my IVF cycle. I figure it is worth it to start from scratch this third and final attempt at getting pregnant. I have gone through this process alone every time. I usually share the results of whom I choose with a few friends, but this time it is all me. Hopefully this one is successful.

It is such an interesting experiment: choosing the attributes you hope to pass on to your child without any strings attached. Is height or education level or hobbies or staff first impression of attractiveness most important? I feel like I’ve stayed pretty consistent with a few deviations. For example, I am tall at 5’9″. All of my family is tall. My brother is 6’5″ so I want my child (son mostly) to fit in. We are also athletic so I look for that. Lastly, I look for education.

The winner this time around is 6’4″ and graduated with a BA in engineering by 19 and was pursuing a PhD at the time of donation. His baby picture looked cute enough and there doesn’t seem to be any family genetic issues. So fingers crossed that the fertility clinic agrees that he is worth the thousands I’ll spend to give his swimmers a go.

Attempts at Pregnancy

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At the age of 39, I wasn’t in a relationship and I still had a burning desire to be a mother. So, I started the process of becoming a single mother by choice. Over the course of the next 2 years, I underwent 2 failed IUIs and 1 round of IVF, which resulted in 1 healthy embryo. I used 2 different anonymous donors thinking that might make a difference. I was devastated when my 1 embryo did not survive the implantation. I had to take a second mortgage out on my house to cover the costs because my insurance did not pay for any medication and only 50% of the rest.

I felt lost and had a very difficult time grieving all my losses and the idea that I would not be a mother to my own children. You see, I was an egg donor 6 times in my 20s. I never thought it was possible that I wouldn’t have the opportunity to or be able to have babies of my own. I will admit that I am not the best at grief. I usually book too many trips and buy too many clothes when I’m sad, which doesn’t help the already overwhelming debt I was in.

As of January 1, 2023, Colorado passed a law (Colorado Building Families Act) that insurance companies with more than 100 employees have to cover at least 3 IVF retrievals and an unlimited number of transfers. I felt this glimmer of hope that maybe I had one more shot. I am now 42 and back in the process. I decided to switch fertility clinics and try a new donor and have a completely fresh start with hopefully a completely different outcome. I had so many friends, coworkers and my family supporting me through the last round. They were amazing. But this time, I am doing it for myself, by myself. My therapist and one other friend are the only people who know what I am embarking on. I guess now anyone reading this will know as well. It’s scary but also empowering because I am doing something that I am truly passionate and committed to. I don’t know if it will work this time either but I cannot say that I didn’t give this dream everything I had. And if it isn’t meant to be, I will have to work through accepting that and shifting my dreams, as we all have to do from time to time.