Tag Archives: life

Dating

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I’ve decided to approach dating as entertainment only. It might not be the most responsible way about doing things, but it hasn’t worked when I’ve dated with the intention of getting into a relationship. Recently, I have been straight forward with a guy that I’m not sure I’m attracted to but I enjoyed talking with him. It seems people aren’t always interested in being friends first. This guy says that he is okay with it. I guess we shall see how it goes.

What is really interesting is how few times a guy will actually ask to meet when using a dating app. Like, isn’t that the point of the app. I am not a great texter. I’ve found that anyone can sound great in text but the actual interaction can be horrid. So, why waste my energy on texting when it could be very clear by simply meeting for a drink or coffee. At least I haven’t given up, although I can close.

Sleep

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I have a love/hate relationship with sleep. I am a big fan of a 15 minute cat naps that reenergize me. But I used to be able to function on 6 hours of sleep. As I have gotten older, I am a solid 8-9 hour sleeper and I don’t always even feel that refreshed. I feel like I’m wasting time. I could be doing so much more with that extra 2-3 hours. Even if it is just scrolling through Instagram reels. My mantra in my 20s was that I could sleep when I’m dead. Now, I feel dead when I don’t get good sleep.

I’ve watched my dad decline into being in bed for most of his 24 hours. He was always a sleeper. In bed by 10:30 pm after the news and up by 6:30 am to be out the door at 7:17 am for work. Now he doesn’t leave his room until 9:30/10 am and goes to lie in bed and watch TV at 7 pm. It makes me so sad.

Maybe I equate sleep and/or being horizontal in bed with death and that scares the shit out of me. But that topic is for another day…

Due Date

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According to my calculations, today would have been my due date if my IVF had been successful last spring. It’s a weird feeling. I have feelings of sadness but also feelings of hope that this round will be different. I am trying to look at the bigger picture that maybe I needed another year to get some things together before being a mother. For example, this past year I have completed the training to have my pup be a certified therapy dog. I have completed the requirements to be a licensed professional counselor. And my private practice is in full swing with substantial and consistent extra income.

Maybe I needed another year to accept and acknowledge that I love living in Colorado and I want to stay here. And my dad’s health condition isn’t getting detrimentally worse so my feelings of obligation to move home and spend time with him in his last days don’t feel as eminent at the moment. I feel settled and I am trying to lean into this life that I have built for myself. Maybe now will be the timing that is best to bring a life into the world. It’s always hard for me to trust the journey that I am on, but I do know that there is a higher purpose to it all. I know that I look back at some point and it will all make sense.

Adulting

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There are many aspects about being an adult that are amazing: going on a trip whenever you want; having anything in your fridge that you want; leaving the dishes in the sink without your parent yelling at you. But other things are not fun. Like sitting for 5 hours to spend $1400 to get new tires on your vehicle.

I find adulting to be hard. How are you suppose to know exactly what tires you need? I went through the dealership website and clicked on what they suggested and I still got it wrong. This is where I wish my dad lived closer or was in better mental health to help with these decisions. When you are out there on your own, it’s hard to research and/or know that you need to research certain things, like tires or refrigerator maintenance or cleaning out your dryer vents. Inevitably I learn things the hard way. Adulting, I guess.